How can you tell that your intimate other is cheating on you? What has this to do with domestic violence and abuse (DVA)? Absolutely everything! Cheating or double-dealing in an intimate relationship, whether marital or dating, cause emotional abuse and/or psychological abuse. Let’s unmask eleven common cheating tactics.

1. Your partner’s weekend routine has drastically changed. You are being excluded from any weekend plans. They have often let you down by not turning up on time to pick you up to attend an event together. Other times they have “bounced you”, not coming at all or appearing the next day, or in the wee hours of the morning with some weird excuse or a repetitive lie or silence.
2. You have noticed that when your intimate other comes in late or the next day, they have a very refreshed look, and their body emanates fresh “soap” scents.
3. When they are out with their “friends”, they will not pick up your call and consistently cut off the dialling tone.
4. When you call or text, they might cut off your call, blue tick your message and not reply to your text.
5. Another tactic is they might be overly flirtatious, soothe you by lying they are on the way home a few minutes away, only for them to arrive hours later.
6. They are fond of using their friends as an alibi whenever they have wronged you , especially on number 5
7. They are glued to their mobile phone and are very secretive, carrying them wherever they go, even to the bathroom. They clap the laptop shut if you happen to come in announced in the room, especially at night. This is a sign they are hiding something, usually video chats.
8. They refuse to pick up a call, cut off a call, or receive some calls out of the house. They usually curse a particular co-worker or boss for disturbing them. If you observe them keenly, you will note how they act sheepishly. One senses unease and guilt in their body language. This is a big red flag of cheating behaviour.
9. They deliberately delete a lot of chats from a particular number. You might notice this if you are sitting close to them and a voicemail or video accidentally comes on, and they immediately shift and delete. In most cases, you might have caught a glimpse, overheard a sentence, or discerned a voice from an opposite gender.
10. Although they are on social media, they prohibit their partner from being on the same, especially Instagram or Facebook. This is technological abuse in DVA. It is a controlling and monitoring tactic and a form of isolating their partners from information,
11. Inconsistency, unreliability, and irresponsible behaviour are cues of a cheating partner. If you can not depend on your partner to be committed to whatever values you both set out in the beginning, you can be sure at some point, they will be unfaithful.
12. Last but not least is a crazy cheating tactic. They will introduce you to this “Best friend” of the opposite sex who happens to share all their free time with them. Be careful, this is a very questionable relationship. It is meant to throw you off-guard of any suspicions, but a wise person will note it is a big red flag.
13. Content is written by: Charity Wairimu Ngugi Latz: Team DVA & Community Manager @ Kwig.